I CRIED

i m loss...
my work is driving me crazy...
furthermore we need to move floor...
i wanted to get transfer but will i know how to do my new work....
if to remain @ MNC i feel useless cum brainless...how????
i need support but i have nobody in my life...
no family. no friends...
so loss...i cried and cried....
i cant resign and sit @ home...i cant stand and will go mad...
tears dried up...i have to self encourage...
brave, strong and be confident....caribee.....
GOD..pls enlighten me...what can i do....

Dark Life....

mkbm on night shift...
again i saw mkbm send chic back..
chic standing next to mkbm....
sudden strike of pain in head...
i ask myself why???
patient and calm caribee....
no worth the pain and steess.....
mkbm is friend....not true and loyal friend...
is my life faith that i have no true friend...
is faith...
let mkbm and chic be good friend or vice versa but none of my business....
i have no friends...no future....no moving forward...dark life....
at least console for the day is kumaran...
kumaran greet me morning. Next saw me at basketball court and gave me an courtesy alert....

MKBM

24/02/11 on leave as well......coz mum need to go to pertama clinic today
for follow-up...
afraid dad cant manage and since no work i took leave...
morning accompany mum to pertama clinic....everything smooth...mum recovering....
condition is good....THANK GOD...
next meet up sis @ sogo....oh what a "scary" trip @ sogo...
why??? it was wilson...wilson join the crowd....its not suitable for a baby like wilson....THANK GOD wilson is back home safely....
next me back to town alone after sending wilson back....
drizzle...i dun think i can walk and wait @ tm stop...
afraid i might end up wet if i walk....no choice wait at maybank despite i dun like the place...
i have a feeling that i might be back with mkbm
True. Its true...finally came mkbm...
i let all passengers to go up and myself the last...
i change the two 3/4 clean note to a completely clean notes for mkbm...
upon boarding my quote : salam bang....
mkbm quote : balik...??? (i can't hear clearly what mkbm says)
my quote : balik ni...lambat dah
My norm sit taken so i sat 2 sits behind mkbm...
during journey home..it rains heavily...
mkbm stare thru mirror and i look upon....
then almost home i walk to front...
my quote : hujan lebat...
mkbm quote : basah (uncertain....cant't hear well what mkbm says)
my quote : tak pa...nak balik mandi...lepas tu keluar balik
my quote : dah lambat ni...stay back...kerja banyak....
reached destination....i alight and my quote : "ok bang...tq"
at night i saw mkbm send chic back...
chic is sitting right behind mkbm...
myself get cut??? Initially yes...WHY????
overnight i have different answer : No....mkbm just friend...
who ever mkbm befriend with is none of my business....is something private...we have our own range of friends...

Brother Kenneth

Brother Kenneth call to ask on mom's condition...
I was so touch when brother kenneth called..
THANKS for regards n concern, brother kenneth...
Brother Kenneth advise : should i need any help pls let me know...
this sentence was so touching....
at least someone help...but i try best not to disturb anyone while i can...
caribee is a responsible and "yee hee" person...
THANKS ! IN APPRECIATION !...I won't forget that i have a such a good brother which is MUCH MUCH better than my own useless brother..

Surprise !!! MKBM

Wed, 23/02/11....finally bastard approved my leave and yahoo off i go...
up at 6am and complete some house work then off to town..
need to go sis house to collect some lose worn clothing for mum and at the same time to hand over a chicken bought by dad for sis to boil soup.
also objective to check out wilson...can sis alone handle situation...
surprise !!!! guess who is driving merdeka advertisement bus today....its mkbm...
is a real catch...surprise....i smile upon seeing mkbm
coz in mind if calculation is right mkbm suppose to be on afternoon shift?why morning
mkbm quote: tak kerja
my quote : kerja malam...jadi pagi nak keluar kejap...
then proceed to right behind and get sitted...
its a real surprise...didn't expect mkbm plying D104...merdeka ad bus...
alight and waive hand but mkbm didn't notice coz lots of passengers today...
haha...what a surpise catch...

Not Fair Treatment

I have submitted leave 2 weeks in advance that i would like to go on half day leave from Feb 21 to Feb 25 but bastard rejected it.
All becoz of monday, Feb 14, I sms to inform i was on mc due to ear bleeding..
Is true that my ear was in pain and furthermore monday have to accompany mum to pertama womens' clinic for further instruction from doctor before operation on coming thursday, Feb 17
I received all sorts of idiot sms reply from the bastard and worse is bastrad cancel my leave.....
To be frank if i tell you i want to go on leave on Feb 14, for sure bastard wont allow...Reason monthly report not completed...is the monthly report that hard.....no...but bastard just wants to make up things...
NOT FAIR !!!!!! I have told this bastard at end of Jan itself that i have to go on leave on Feb 17 and Feb 18 coz mum going for operation but it falls into deaf ears...
I also submitted half day leave for the whole of next week (Feb 21 to Feb 25) to help / assist mum but its all rejected...
Bastard says....doesn't mean when you have no work you can take leave...
come on.... if not on leave what do u want me to do...sit idle at my place and act like a big fat ass like you!!!!!
Honestly tell everyone....what time you come to work daily ? During working hours where have you been ????
Let me answer for you bastard...u a liability for the bank...u were doing personal things during working hours and can say 95% of your time is spending on vacation website......
and u a thief too....(u make use of me to steal desktop from office and install it at home)
How many desktop and laptop u have u purchase it with your own pocket money...Bastard !!!!!
Now i have a true and accurate picture of this bastard which all the while i considered this bastard someone i can look forward to...
I feel so helpless when seeing mum in pain and having difficulities moving (walking , sitting and etc)..
I should have stay @ home to help coz only dad alone cant do much.....but under a forcing condition i am sorry for mum that i have to work...
Came to work but no work...bastard just do it purposely...
I won't forget bastard bad action / intention ........i believe god have eyes........i just remain silence and patient.....
i pray and wish mum a speedy recovery...mum in severe pain....i feel so sad and remain helpless....what a useless kid i am

Loss

get "cut" from mkbm...
but forget about it...
why pain and gain nothing...
mkbm is just friend nothing much...
people are like that ...
no gain no social or communication...
why human have this kind of behaviour....

MKBM

15th day of CNY @ Chap Goh Mei...
Morning accompany mum to Pertama Womens' Clinic..coz mum is going for an operation today...
ok....after sending mum to clinic myself to town
objective to temple to pray for everything smooth especially mum's operation...
second objective is if i can be on time @ tm stop to be back with mkbm.
pray @ both temple for good and smooth days ahead then to bank and final destination at tmstop...
waited and came D044..yes..its mkbm...
mkbm smile and i get up the bus and wish mkbm "salam bang"
mkbm quote: balik ni...
my quote : ya balik...
then get sitted in on front bench and head tilt back to show tiredness...
almost home i proceed to front for a short chat with mkbm
my quote : orang tak ramai
mkbm quote : no reply but hand signal... a move of hands and smile...
mkbm quote : nanti keluar balik
my quote : ya...lebih kurang 9.30malam keluar balik
my quote : masuk 10.30malam
my quote : jaga US market
mkbm quote : u pun boleh main...turun naik....
my quote : gaji tak cukup
mkbm quote : ayah boleh bawa balik...mak singapore...
my quote : ayah tak kerja...mak pun tak kerja....
mkbm quote : sekarang market ok ?
my quote : tak....2 minggu ni jatuh....
my quote : kalau nak beli saya recommend abang beli airasia....
mkbm quote : smile signal
my quote : airasia jangka boleh naik sampai RM3.
mkbm quote : sekarang berapa
my quote : kalau tak silap sekarang RM2.70 +++
reached destination. alight.
my quote : ok.bang.....
the next day i have dig info on airasia past historical data....info gathered and nicely printed in color...
ready to be given to mkbm....
however decision is 50/50...i fear is against bafia and i might loss my work to help a friend...
if friend appreciate my advise is ok...worth the sacifice....
but what if opposite....friend never treasure me....
i might end up jumping from high rise building....

MKBM

today tuesday 15/02/11_public holiday...
i woke up late..coz i m lazy...
then came buses and it make me wake up to see who are the gang on morning shift...
surprise D044 was driven by MKBM...coz mkbm should be on night shift if i calculate correctly...
then recall back that i was right..yesterday night D044 was driven by kumaran who is on full shift...
mkbm on leave??? maybe???
actually i was worried yesterday night 14/02/11 coz no sight of mkbm...
keep wondering where could mkbm be....pls dun get transfered....
ok..i have planned kfc for mkbm today whereby have to deliver it today as well coz i need to get another set for mum coz mum wont be able to eat kfc for 2 months after operation...
coincident brother and mum and dad to jusco to buy led tv..i join in....
calculate timing...coz i want the kfc meal to reach mkbm fresh rather than long wait and food turn cold...
i queue @ kfc...oh long queue...in my heart i fear that i might miss mkbm and food will be wasted due to the long queue...
finally all stuff ready and i waited at bus stop...
THANK GOD...i really THANK GOD...
coz just 2 minutes wait came mkbm...
i waive and mkbm stop and smile...
i got up bus and gave mkbm the packet of kfc...
my quote : bang ni belanja...makan...hidup untuk makan...
my quote : kerja malam baru nak balik ni...
then i proceed to back and get sitted...
i noticed mkbm look thru mirror to look back at me...cheers...
in my heart i THANK GOD the most coz i almost miss mkbm and second i am really happy to be with mkbm ....at least some happy moments today before i get blasted tomorrow by idiot....
towards home i went to front to chat with mkbm...
my quote : kerja ....ah what a stupid question from me...cant i see mkbm is working.
mkbm quote : sampai petang...
my quote : full shift ...
mkbm quote : full shift...
my quote : minggu ni kerja malam...baru habis kerja...balik ni..tidur...
mkbm quote : berapa jam
my quote : 6 jam...lepas tu...mandi...dan keluar balik...
mkbm quote : keluar petang....
my quote : ya...
reached destination...alight...mkbm quote : thank you
my quote : sama...
mkbm..kfc given is fresh and sincere..no fear..no poison...
furthermore..u told me u on full shift...i can imagine how tired and mkbm u really deserve to be reward today...not much...just a sincere kfc meal from me your friend..
THANK GOD...cheers...takek...enjoy...smile....

Cruel Bitch

monday 14/02/11..valentines day but is a bastard day for me which i wont forget...
the bitch is very cruel and brutual...
mum will be admitted on 17/02/11 for operation and i have submitted leave a week a ago and have told this bastard 3 weeks ahead that i need to go on leave on 17/02/11 and 18/02/11..
today bastard rejected it..saying monthly report incomplete and leave wont be approved..
what is she trying to do.....ok...i noted how you treat me....
i remain silence...patient...i wont say anyhting...
i belief god have eyes ....
bastard thinks that i bluff her that my ears are infection and bleeding...
come on..is true that my ears are pain on friday and i have to create story today coz i have to accompany mum to clinic..
even i apply leave i know bastard will reject it..so no choice but to bluff...
wilson is back and is just too far and inconvinent for sis to come to help mum...
so i have to backup and assist mum...
well i wont say anything..but i think i m right...
monthly report ...i think is not hard...if concentrate within half a day can complete hence why the monkey behaviour from this bitch....
patient caribee....worthless to explain and argue with this bastard bitch...

mkbm /kumaran

its saturday 12/02/11. plan to go low yat..well i got something to buy and went out quite late coz i neednt be early..coz my objective is back with mkbm
morning shift D044 was driven by "kumaran"...
"kumaran" my friend too..at times i pity kumaran too especially when on full shift...no joke..its tiring..i doubt i can stand...
left kumaran to be given angpow...ok angpow $10 for kumaran...no other stuffs coz not much things left @ home...
finally D044 is out..morning shift..its kumaran...
i gave him an angpow and kumaran wishes me gong xi fa cai and thanked me...and ask if i am to town for work...
i reply yes..to work even tomorrow sunday i am working too....
alight at low yat and signal kumaran to thank him and kumaran signal back...
get stuffs and calculate timing coz i would like to be back with mkbm..
finally!!! D044 came and its mkbm...i smile...its been a week since last saw mkbm...
ok...silence trip with mkbm...
no doubt silence but mkbm u remain top priority in heart...
at times i saw mkbm look thru mirror and mkbm's attention is it to me ???
ok...reached home...i alight and raised hand to thank mkbm...
mkbm return my response with a hand signal and smile
mkbm take k...u on night shift...careful driving......

Haja..u r funny...cheers

friday 11/02/11...took half day...ear pain...off i go...
furthermore work like shit...too brainless...
waited long..closed to one hour for b112 to maluri...
but when bus pass by maybank saw d044 waiting at maybank...
d044??? sudden happiness..but it doesnt look like mkbm...
doesnt matter...not easy to board u45..
quickly alight at tung shin hospital n board u45...
driver was haja....oh haja.....
haja greets me gong xi fa chai....angpow mana.....
i told haja i tak bawa hari ni...besok...
i ask haja tomorrow morning or afternoon shift...moning ah???
haja told me yes...besok morning shift...
i told haja i will give him angpow besok...
haja my friend too...i have reserved an angpow for him too..
well after some thought i think better give haja angpow today itself coz tomorrow i am uncertain of timing...
so wait for haja to come back from town...roughly 2 hours from the time i reach home....
finally haja came by...i quickly run over the road and with angpow in hand showing it to haja...
haja saw me and hands to head...smiling...maybe haja thinks i am a funny and yet word trust person...
haja stop and i went up bus to give him an angpow with value $10 and 2 cans of drinks and a packet of ngan yin groundnut...
haja receive things given and thanked me...
i smile and haja return smile...
smile coz haja was a funny friend....
funny day....cheers...

Messy Home

Mum sick but none understand her...
what a sickening family...quarrel and quarrel all day long...
i feel so sad and down looking helpless...
but thinking back mum at times dun deserve any pity...
she is dying for the fucking dog and chicken but no understand from this two "animal"....
why sacrifice self when "animals" didnt even appreciate it????

Brother Kenneth

Today the sixth day of lunar new year with calendar date 08/02/11
yes a good and auspicious day to start work..
brother kenneth invited me to join him today for business reopen after a long cny break...
ok...i will turn up...i respect brother kenneth and appreciate his kind invitation
some excitment @ brother kenneth office where there is fire crackers burning....
then brother kenneth gave us angpow...wow...guess amount...its $50...
THANKS BROTHER KENNETH...I really appreciate knowing brother kenneth...
Have a short conversation on cny topic and proceed with how am i doing now...
sorry brother that i bluff around. Actually i being downgraded in work which makes me look dump and brainless...
told brother kenneth i would like to come out from cimb or any side line that i can get involve...
i am serious here...no future with cimb....i am dragging myself to work...no interest
then told kenneth that i took half day and need to go off whereby i wont be coming to his house to enjoy cny happy moments together with them...
actually i "curi tulang" @ work...no half day...i in a hurry to rush back coz of someone...who that special???? is mkbm...
mkbm more important than brother kenneth????
thought i can be back with mkbm but timing runs..
i waited 1.30 hours for bus and home exhausted and sad without any sign of mkbm..
mkbm..i miss mkbm much..why so?? i dun know??? @ this moment i feel i miss mkbm much

MKBM_Loss + Sad Trip

a sad and loss trip with mkbm..
why??? honestly, is becoz of three issues that is bothering me...
first : mkbm and the blonde chic...their actions make me feel loss..
second : my idiot work...knowing tomorow have to back to work..i have fear and loss...why???i feel so brainless @ office...work given is brainless and too clerical..whereby i find that i am not learning..no learning growth or path..
i dun want myself land or end up going brainless...is a waste of time...
but if where to transfer where to go???? so loss????
third : sw people gave cny mandarins and angpow to mkbm...but i doubt value is alot..if not wrong is $2 or $5 or the most is $10..
but i am sincere to mkbm...i think mkbm deserves more...
mkbm also noticed that i am so sad sitting at the corner...
i didnt even proceed to front to chat with mkbm...
i alight when reach destination and raise hand slightly to thank mkbm..
mkbm raised hand to thank me too...
not a pleasant trip with mkbm today....
so loss and uncertain in me....

2nd Day of Lunar New Year_MKBM_Lokman

Today 2nd day of lunar new year...
early morning i saw lokman and an hour later i saw MKBM follow by Haja..
yes...lucky day...u45 gang and bus routine back revert back to normal..
ok...lokman deserve to be rewarded...
i have packed ready $10 and some mandarins as a small token from me for Lokman
finally lokman came out and i stop and board bus...
i gave lokman the above mentioned and Lokman smile...
Lokman thanked me and waived hand to signal thanks.i signal back with a smile.
next, is the friend i treasure and miss most...
the friend that hold a special place in my heart that are remembered and treasure...
who??? of course is mkbm...i dun know why?? but mkbm seems to be a special person to me...
for mkbm i have set aside $50 and two mandarins.
earlier i have given a basket of tangerins, chocolate and cashews as cny gifts..
mkbm is approaching and i went across to board bus...
i gave mkbm 2 mandarins with an angpow
mkbm quote : "gong xi fa cai"
my quote : "bang ni bagi".
then i dig pocket to purchase bus ticket
mkbm quote "1 atau 2"
my quote : "2"..nak ke bank...
mkbm put aside the two mandarins and the angpow...this makes me worry...
coz the angpow is worth $50...even i dun enjoy this rate from relatives and friends...
i alight at tm stop and mkbm waive hand to thank me...
as a well manner kid i waive hand to thank mkbm
in fact i really miss mkbm...the last i saw mkbm was on sat 22nd Jan..almost 2 weeks
then calculate my time as i would like to be back with mkbm..
yes...timing was right and within a short wait period came mkbm...
i waive to stop bus and can see mkbm smile...
i smile and mkbm quote : "cepatnya"
my reply : sekejap je...nak balik bank ambil report...besok kerja
then i process to behind and get sitted...
i still curious .....have mkbm open up the angpow and how mbkm reaction and feeling..
honestly i am not showing off...i really appreciate mkbm as my friend and someone i treasured....
close to home i walk to the front for a short chat...
sorry i was a bit evil here, i apologize...coz my conversation is based on a crazy indian man who was on bus...
my quote : saya ingat dia tak betul...
mkbm quote : tak betul...with a smile...
mkbm quote : ayah masih kat singapore
my quote : semalam dah balik
mkbm quote : mak balik sini
my quote : tak mak kat singapore...
my quote : cuma saya ayah sini je..
reach destination..my quote : "ok. baik"
ha what a special 2nd day of lunar new year. different compare to years pass
mkbm u remain special...no doubt you close and good to the blonde chic whereby your action makes me feel loss...

CNY Day 1

today is the first day of chinese new year.
gong xi fa cai everyone...
if my calculation is correct mkbm suppose to be on morning shift today...
waited long but no sight of mkbm ...mkbm where r u???
r u working or u too on leave in conjunction of the cny holiday???
i was on D044 this morning to town for cny visiting but is not mkbm...
pain in heart !!! yeah !!! but console off by "lokman"
miss someone,caribee??? honest answer... YES

MKBM !!! Fool...i think u being used!!!!

the blonde chic make no feel so loss..
why so??? come on caribee....
wake up....attention to new things and technologiess....
keep self well equip with knowledge...
dun waste time on people or person who dun appreciate self...
dun compare seld from high corporate with cheap chic from sg wang area...
i can see chic is making fun of mkbm and this mkbm can be consider stupid too for being used...
why the need to wait for blonde chic....
dun mkbm think his action too much and chic request is worst
cant chic walk back home....just a few houses from saloon to chic home
....not fair right...???? bastard chic!!!!!
stupid fool to mkbm....!!!!