sat 31/05/14
self have to be with susan today
coz tomolow wont be coming
then follow by training...
it will be days without susan
I will go crazy and miss susan deeply
went over but too bad
susan is busy with work...
hence 15 minutes talk and blast off.
I miss susan but I doubt susan miss self...
I know susan wont miss me...I know...
HONEST STATEMENT!!!!

fri 30/05/14
similar to 29/05/14
miss...must see else no chance...
5 minutes hi and bye

thur 29/05/14
self cant stand..
miss susan...
hence a 10 minutes drop by
chat and blast off..

wed 28/05/14
self avoid going over...
stay indoor...locked self...

tue 27/05/14
susan on leave
self low profile

mon 26/05/14
we have lunch together
self happy and so do susan , I guess..

sun 25/05/14
shit road block
car running out of petrol too...
hence park illegally...
cycle cum monitoring..
what a stupid self...
all things done just for susan
susan buy me breakfast...
but not breakfast that I wanted...
I can afford to buy breakfast and I am a food choosy person
but why self was naïve
susan look back...self waive goodbye..
later susan choose another way just to avoid self...
argh...this is what I hate most....
dun use alternative ways just to avoid me...
hurt but still miss susan...

sat 24/05/14
buy her turtle jelly
all the way...
but is not appreciated

fri 23/05/14
eager for lunch break...
I miss susan much....but what about susan does she...
I guess she miss self too....
she is extra beautiful ...could it be susan know I will come today
she make herself extra beautiful just for self....
I guess I must be dreaming....
wish much is true...susan miss self for 3 consecutive days...
we have a smile and friendly chat....
Susan's smile melts me....so sweet....

thru 22/05/14
self on leave...
wish much to go and see susan....
but how and what will the other party susan thinks
I miss susan much...wish much susan will sms self...
waited whole day and night....looks like is a no no from susan
sigh....sad self

wed 21./05/14
self miss susan much...
but promise self to be good...
hence lock self....must not go over....
sad self...miss susan much

tues 20/05/14
susan on leave...
self feel loss...
complete office work and go off...

mon 19/05/14
as usual will meet up with susan on Monday
self have a bottle of Singapore version oilment for susan
susan hand was hurt....self care...
hence gave susan a bottle of the effective Singapore version oilment...
I care but self know susan wont use or apply it....
well we have a long chat...susan is so beautiful...
our smile topic of laughter was chee cheong fun...
susan bought me breakfast yesterday and self know susan gave her portion to me...
yes....taste good.....poor chilli gravy and is a perfect match....
we hand signal at the same time and smile....she's beautiful...
susan mentioned she will buy me breakfast again next week...thanks...
susan also mentioned dun wait for her to go back...
well I guess no more....self hurt when susan use alternative way just to avoid self...

sun 18/05/14
self thought I might received sms from susan
but looks like no...
self waited but no sms...
never mind self will cycle and wait for susan
self will wait till 9.45am...
finally susan is here and susan waive self...
susan smile .....she's so beautiful...
self cross and to be with susan
susan gave me her breakfast ....self feel hurt...
susan have given me her portion ....what about herself...
susan rejected me to accompany her to work...
is ok....self respect susan decision....
self wait and stand still
watching susan walk all the way until susan cant be seen...
self will care and miss susan forever...
my cycling objective is coming down to see and accompany susan

sat 17/05/14
plan and wanted much to meet up with susan
but plan void....drizzle for the day...
never mind self will wait for tomorrow instead...

fri 16/05/14
anxious for break...
finally the timing is here...
self went over to meet up with susan
susan saw self.....susan is so pretty...
I miss susan much...
we have a short chat....
then self turn back again once more for susan...
told susan to take care of self too....
hand not fully recover hence dun carry heavy stuffs.
is there anything self can help...
susan take care please...I will care for susan only...
self received SAD new...
DR. Wong Wai Kee mum pass away...
well, self will attend and do praying...

thur 15/05/14
promise to accompany colleague to go over XXX..
yes I have the chance and opportunity to see susan..
I MISS SUSAN DEEPLY....
HONEST SELF... I MISS SUSAN....
CANT DENY MY MISS FOR SUSAN
But self not in good condition....afraid might be rude again
hence rejected colleague offer and stay indoor....
ask for back early since stay for lunch....
wish much if susan will sms self...
and THANK GOD my wish was granted...
susan sms self mentioning days no see....how am I
take care of self and be happy always...
self extremely HAPPY and I think susan miss self too..
BOTH OF US MISS EACH OTHER MUCH
Finally I know self have a place in Susan's heart...
self was so happy and honest I have different feeling...
wish much rush to XXX to tell susan I MISS HER TOO MUCH..
self reply self was busy the pass few day...I will come tomorrow..
self was so happy....sleepness night....miss susan ....
THANK GOD....

wed 14/05/14
self wanted much to go over to see susan...
self miss susan extremely much...
but self not in good condition and still hurt...
hence be good stay in office .....sad day...
sad self and bad mood....keep cursing

tues 13/05/14
susan offday and so do I
is wesak day..
self went to temple to THANK GOD and do blessing...
blessing for susan and 9uncle as well...
wish susan happy wesak day and just simple reply...Tq...

mon 12/05/14
self was rude today...
rude coz is carry forward feeling from sun
hurt coz why susan never sms self nor reply...
why is self who initiate it and still hurt why avoid me...
avoid me by using different route...why...
self went over to gave useful info and ask health condition
then goes off rudely....
susan mentioned something but self just ignore it...
self hurt..no wait...despite is just another half an hour...
no point....susan might not like it and avoid self...
hence wrap up and go with head down....sad....

sun 11/05/14
is mothers' day...
self didn't cycle today coz susan on mc..
finally self unable to help it and sms susan
ask how's susan getting on...is your hand ok...recover..
also to wish susan happy mother day..
well just a simple reply from susan..
self slightly sad just dun know why...
miss susan much...

sat 10/05/14
sad and boring self
wish much to sms to ask susan condition
but afraid might disturb hence ignore
finally after months ...roughly 5 months..
self finally board mkbm again...
mkbm greet self and self greet mkbm too...smile...

fri 09/05/14
self have some ginseng for susan
but susan reluctant to accept it...
ok...I wont force susan....self took it back ...
self not happy...just dun know why....
understand susan have hand injury....left hand injuried..
self feel sad for susan...wonder how can self help...
self care for susan much and would like to help
but susan might not like it...
SIGH!!!!!

thur 08/05/14
self on leave to run errand...
miss susan deeply despite hurt...
surprise...at night receive sms from susan asking how am I...
I am so happy that at least susan remember self....
smile on face....but not in sleep...coz I guess I am still hurt....

wed 07/05/14
accompany friend to sogo....
susan saw self and self look down and sad...
just 2 sentence with susan and went off...
coz self still hurt from Monday 05/05/14 incident....
despite in half an hour wait for susan self ignore it..
go home...susan might not like self to go back with her...
SIGH!!!!!

tue 06/05/14
susan on leave..
good for self since self hurt....
low profile....

mon 05/05/14
work first and look forward to lunch break...
work already killing self...
worst still is susan hurt self...
lunch break went to see susan
short chat....susan told dun wait for her to go back
self was trying to be ignorant....
but due to work load self have to stay...also for susan...
is 7pm...time to go...self waited a while at subway...
while waiting saw susan avoid self and took alternative way
alternative route which is across the road...
I guess is "ghost close eye" that I saw susan from the other end...
hence self quick to stn...no point waiting...
bump into susan at stn....susan mentioned I have a sharp eye
self try to be ignorant....in fact self was EXTREMELY HURT..
why avoid me...WHY?????
susan train is here hence susan board...
the next train was also to ampang....strange....what's wrong...
afraid of susan could have board the wrong train self call up susan
but susan sounds dislike and ignore self....
self was so hurt....heads down heading home...
cry in sleep....swollen eyes...bad mood...sleepness night.......SIGH!!!!!

sun 04/05/14
what a bad sunday...
is cycling open day...
well is good to know situation too...
no more next time...pack and no parking...
shit .....road block....no parking and knock bike and car...
oh gosh....spoilt...miss susan....
self confirm late and will miss susan..
should have courtesy...shouldn't let susan wait...
hence call susan....is my first call since knowing susan....
call to inform self late and come later....
susan noted and ask to look for her at her workstn later...
self slightly loss...how now...
finally drive home to unload bike
then rush to susan workplace...
well can say I am stupid but am i....
no regret coz is susan...if others self will be cursing....

sat 03/05/14
self went back to office to complete some task
also objective is susan
bought susan a pack of mango...
mango for susan and team....
susan ask will I be coming tomorrow...
self reply yes...of course....
susan ask to wait for her at the normal place...
self acknowledge and smile.....

fri 02/05/14
self have no use of the gift voucher
hence forward back to susan
actually the voucher belongs to her....
told susan to buy something for her mom on coming mothers' day..
thank god susan accepted it...
we have a short comfortable chat...

thur 01/05/14
self worried of susan safety...
there is gathering in town and at susan workplace...
hence self sms to inform susan to be extra careful..
that all...but actually would like to tell susan the following...
if there is anything u can call me...I will come immediate to be with u...
can I come to be back with u for safety purposes...
or can I drive down and send u home direct...to avoid the crowd...
susan reply...dun worry I am off...public holiday...
THANK GOD....susan is off today...I am deeply worried of susan safety.....

wed 30/04/14
self slightly late around 6.30pm...
but have no intention to stay further for susan...
coz too frequent ends up fist on face....
but deep in heart I miss susan ...

tues 29/04/14
susan on leave..
self cannot be rude...
self reply susan sms...
self mentioned I am ok...

mon 28/04/14
self have some goodies for susan
lunch break went over...
susan mentioned tonight need not wait for her...
she needs to buy some groceries....
self reply I about to mention I will wait for susan
coz I have some goodies for u....
self show susan I have bought the following for susan
all bought from Singapore , just for susan only
susan turns angry....mentioned is hard to handle me...
susan mentioned I wont buy groceries...sharp 7pm I rush out...
self silence and sad...mood turns bad...
sad self at work and bad mood carry on the whole evening till night...
self carry Susan's goodies careful and lucky susan is here...
coz I dun want to carry susan goodies home...
susan walk to self and self pass to goodies to susan
finally susan train is here and self told susan your train is here...go home...
sad self...home and finally notice susan did sms self...
sms sounds friend you look sad or are you tired...
susan I guess u know me well...
yes I am sad...sad becoz of u susan..susan u hurt me....
I hope you know...self didn't reply...coz hurt...
deeply hurt...disturb sleep....sleep ness night

sun 27/04/14
surprise to know susan sms self
ask self will I be cycling today
susan yes..why not...I have promise to come
I will accompany susan to work.....only once a week....
this is the happiest time self have....self with susan only.....
self cycle and cycle to wait for susan to come
finally susan is here..susan bought me breakfast...
thanks...smile...smile is sleep too I guess...

sat 26/04/14
boring day...
anxious for tomorrow...

fri 25/04/14
despite hurt self still goes over for susan
why...unable to answer why...I miss susan much
susan saw me....self told susan...be steady...
I have done 4 and looks ok...
I have 30 minutes break and then the remaining 4 paper...
I will be steady...I can do it....
susan reply...yes this is the way....confident and steady...self first..
before leaving susan told me "be your best"
self mood back to normal and good....
ok will do best at exam...will concrete and do best...

thur 24/04/14
self home half an hour early....for maintenance as well as study...
sms susan mentioning I wont be back
coz I am loaded with work and have to stay to study
reply from susan was a disturbing one...
after interpretation I sounds like this...
"is better you look after yourself...it has got no connection with me...."
"concentrate and be good to self....dun always prioritise someone else"
"I know you care for me"
sms spoilt the day and mood....ops...
worse still is tomorrow is exam day...
disturb and feel uneasy the whole night....

wed 23/04/14
lunch break went over to have short chat with susan
susan told me need not wait for her to go back
coz susan told me if train is here susan will board...
self just silence....why...I luv go back with susan
stubborn self...self still wait for susan...
but too bad....susan train is here...
susan waive goodbye to me...
later was there was an sms...mentioning apologise I home first..
self reply is ok...since train is here...no point waiting...
ergh.....miss chance...

tues 22/04/14
boring Tuesday
susan on leave...

mon 21/04/14
settle some work and finally is lunch break
self went over to gave susan the corporate pen and notepad
told susan is the complimentary gift on last Friday bank entertainment
told susan there is another gift which I will pass it to susan after work
I will wait for susan and we shall go back together
hence self stay till 7pm objective is to be back with susan
self wait at subway and saw susan coming...
self join in and to station together...
self pass the aussino towel to susan..
susan looks happy and susan signal thumb soft touch
self thumb soft touch back and smile....
wow susan so happy and yet beautiful....so beautiful...
later in the night receive sms from susan complimenting the towel..
susan is a gift just for susan you....ONLY....

sun 20/04/14
dark sky...pls dun rain...
I have important errand to run..
I cant let go this opportunity...only once a week...
I have to go and to be with susan...I have promise susan...
hence pray hard...and THANK GOD is smooth.....didn't rain...
cycle a while and to destination but no sign of susan...
why ??? susan told me she wont cross 9.30am...
never mind...I will wait....cycle and cycle...
suddenly susan sms self mentioning susan is on the way...
finally susan arrive and self was so happy...
susan bought me breakfast and fruits too...
then self accompany susan to work...hahaha...
the best moment we together....
if only moment last...I really miss susan much...
susan can I accompany susan to work daily??
well I must be dreaming....
u45 friends : both wahab and mkbm around...
take care my u45 friends...god bless...
THANK GOD...

sat 19/04/14
stay indoor doing nothing....
only familiar face is wahab ...
no sign of mkbm...
anxious for tomorrow...

fri 18/04/14
as usual we meet up during lunch break
told susan tonight have bank entertainment
would you like to join me...susan say no...she dislike entertaining...
since susan not going so do self...
I think I am happier with susan than going for entertainment
told susan I wont be going...I will stay to complete work and back with susan
if self too busy have to stay later then we shall meet up during sunday...
I will cycle to come to see susan...to be with susan to work together...
since today is Friday...which ends earlier....hence rush home...
then rush back to bank to be with susan...we shall go back together....
train after train....slightly late but no sign of susan...
finally from top saw susan coming....self will wait...
susan come nearby and call me....
self told susan I will wait for you...I will wait till 7.30pm..
I dun mind waiting for susan only....
we chat and told susan I will cycle to accompany and see susan on sunday...
susan is so pretty...her smile so sweet.....I get charmed....

thur 17/04/14
self have buffet lunch...
hence unable to wait for susan..
self have to home to burn the calories
also to do self maintenance to appear better tomorrow

wed 16/04/14
self uncertain whether susan is working or not...
hence get siti to accompany self ....
when scroll down saw susan...
susan saw self too....but cant acknowledge each other....
told susan boss around...I am extremely sad..
notice susan did come near by....obj is ....????
since susan around...then self stay...
saw susan on the way coming...self stop a while and go slow
susan is just behind self...finally we meet and chat a while
susan told I look pale...better go home and rest well...
susan train is here...susan board train and get sitted...
self should be happy but dun know why self not happy at all !!!

tue 15/04/14
susan off day...
self quickly finish work and go back...
nothing special..

mon 14/04/14
yes....finally Monday is here....
eager and anxious for lunch break...
time to go over to meet up with susan..
self have been suffering for the past 2 weeks without susan...
finally we meet up...susan is so pretty..
susan ask to wait for her and we shall go back at 7pm..
yes...ok course...I will wait for susan and be back together...
hence self stay to complete pending task...
finally both of us walk together to stn...self happy....
then susan pass me a bag of goodies consist of bicuit, grapes and choc and mug...
thanks susan.....happy self....
finally after 2 weeks of solo self....

sun 13/04/14
I really miss susan much...
but self have no choice...got errand which is ancestor praying...
surprise to know susan sms self
sms asking will self be cycling today...she is about to arrive sogo...
I hate myself much....if only I can be with susan today...
I guess susan miss self too...(assumption based on above sentence)
reply informing self got competition...apologies cant be with you today...
sigh!!!! what a waste....if only self can be with susan...
I REALLY MISS SUSAN MUCH...
Something I have kept in heart for this 2 weeks which I would like to tell susan personally...
SUSAN I found my life is dull without susan this 2 weeks...
if only susan know...I really miss susan much for this 2 weeks...

sat 12/04/14
sad self....frequent sign on to trace susan
I know I am not right doing this...
but I really miss susan much...
going to be 2 weeks without susan..
found susan sign on fri night and once more this morning...
why self no message...
later self sign on and found susan did whatspp self..
message mentioned she might take an additional day off...
does this means susan do have a place for self in Susan's heart..
susan will message me when she is back to work....
later self whatspp back...mentioning the below
susan if tired do apply for additional day off
have a good rest...
if in need any thing I can assist...
do not hesitate to let me know..i will help....
lastly message is I wont cycle to be with you tomorrow...
this sentence hurt myself much....tomorrow is the only opportunity but .....
coz self have to run errand....ancestor day praying....
self feel hurt...wonder it hurt susan or not.....
susan I really wanted to be with you much tomorrow but .....
please forgive me....I really miss susan much....

fri 11/04/14
sad self....drop by susan workstn..
no sign of susan..
still on leave...
tired self...low..no motivation..sigh..

thur 10/04/14
found that susan did sign on today..
but self have no reply..
sad self...why...
found that is just a single party clapping hand ..
it will never happened...
how can one clap single handed...
does susan ever care and miss self...
I doubt...is just self the naïve kid....

wed 09/04/14
monitor trending...
cannot be no reply...
why....since she has got data line ...
msg will prompt and can reply...
why??? later found the last susan in whatsapp is on 07/04/14
ok...then...give self an excuse

tue 08/04/14
whatapp susan but too bad...
no reply

mon 07/04/14
weak self....
weak as not sick but weak as no motivation
coz susan will be on long leave...
will only be back to work on 12/04/14

sun 06/04/14
miss susan much...
since no susan no point cycle to town..
self do banking errand instead..
wish much if susan will sms /whatapp self...
but know this will not happen...never...

sat 05/04/14
sad self....loss direction...
miss susan much

fri 04/04/14
sad self

thur 03/04/14
self lie low....
sad self without susan

wed 02/04/14
self on leave to run errands...
but self want to be to office around 6pm...
why...coz I want to be home with susan...
today is the last opportunity...
coz  susan will be on long leave then...
hence ask susan are u back at 7pm tonight...can I join you??
susan reply she is off early today...
erghhhh....why...loss last chance....
since loss opportunity together hence sms and whatspp susan
sms and whatspp susan a safe journey....
I will be good and wait for susan to be back...
I will pray hard so that susan can have a safe journey...

tue 01/04/14
susan on leave
weak self....no motivation
loss direction....