Monday 25/04/11...
Today i feel so uncertain in my life...
Honestly, I feel like commiting suicide...
How ??? i dun have the courage to jump from high rise building..
Is either to consume poison or burn coal to end life...
Caribee, before you decide to end my own life have you ever thought how difficult mum rise me up from baby til now...
Yes, I understand the pain and sorrow mum went thru...
Mum...i am SORRY....Forgot about having a useless child like me..
Unlike brother n sister, i find that i am not like them...
Maybe you all dun know me well...I dislike dull and boring life...i am the type that cant sit at home..
I have a odd characteristic...I cant go on without a smooth and good prospect career..
The pass 10 months my working life is like hell for me....day by day i keep struggling to survive..but today i am really weak....
I have no more energy nor stamina to carry or fight on....
Frankly, i am sick with the daily routine in my life....so dull....nothing interesting or any meaningful task in life
Up from bed daily @ 4.15am to do washing. Then again wake up @ 5.15am for shower, pray, clothes hanging and breakfast
Out from house @ 6.10am to wait for kff...at the same time hope can monitor if so happened that u45 pass by...i know who is on morning shift...
An encouraging one will be driven by MKBM and Lokman...Told self even my friends are punctual and to work .....so why not myself....
Then in one car to btr stn to work...to save cost took ktm commuter to reach kl central...then a short wait again for cimb van
Arrive at office around 7.35am and do some printing then to library to collect newspaper
Then proceed to clean up self and ready for the day...
85% of the time no work...idling around...fall asleep...
Come lunch time. i will sleep and awake at 1.30pm...
Do some surfing and back to work...
Lunch time .........food......myself no choices.....daily survive on bread....
From 2pm to 5.45pm is the painful stracth...coz time just get wasted doing nothing and i am xtremely sleepy and cold...
Wonder , if only i can be release early daily by not going to lunch which i dun since day one @ semantan....
But knowing the "idiot" culture here....the earlier you go back u r useless....the later the better....but no point stay when there isn't work
Move thru the crowd and back home roughly @ 6.50pm...
Then a slice of bread for dinner....mum will never cook my dinner.....if there is dinner is just left over from kkf...
Of course i will consume my favourite...oranges....then to shower...
Once self is clean i will pray and again one more orange before proceed to 30mins exercise...checking print out and bringing it downstairs.
Once completed the half an hour exercise then do paper maintenance....to recycle @ office or to recycle bin
Then one more orange to call it the day food intake and proceed to face wash get ready to sleep..
Finally, if there is any u45 coming back from town will stand up and have a peep who is on night shift and who's the one will get seduce by chic
Then dose off...ZZZZzzzzzzz. around 10.30pm to 11.00pm.....
Should i hear bus while asleep i will get up and peep thru who is the hardworking one.....of course only one i knew off....Lokman...
What a meaningless life.......
Today at work I was called by KC and JJ for a short chat....
Ha...... what short chat.....
In my mind i says there isnt any conversation topic between us...
Anyway follow JJ on what she wants to converse.....
Was told by KC I was transfer over to help them....
I knew it was the black bastard who was behind it....
Yes i admit....no work.....unless is the few days beginning of the month...but knowing self strength i can be completed in a day or 2 and not 12 days that i need...
So agreed to help KC and learn new things....
Rather loss too....To remain in CCS or to HRD to seek for transfer....
If transfer where...TO????? How's work there????
I dun know but the only consolation is the location, MBC.
If remain here i afraid i go brainless one day .....loss.....real loss.....
Loss interest in neighbour hood watch for the night..
Saw chic back xtremely early...it's 8.20pm
Maybe got bus once she is out waiting for bus..
Driver who?? uncertain...too fast and self loss control..
Arrggghhh...what a day...
Too tired and knock off at 9.30pm....
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