Saturday 31/12/11

is the last day of the year...
yr 2011 pass in pain...
nothing to be proud of ...
the ONLY cheerful memory is mkbm especially the solo trip back with mkbm...
how about yr 2012...ergh!!!!!
why...work so unstable
but console for the day is brother kenneth..
i am lucky to have brother kenneth who always gave me hope...
brother kenneth...u are the one i salute you most and i wont forget whenever i am down you are there to help..
THANKS brother kenneth...
no bus for the day except haja @ 9.45pm...
rest working or missing on action...well...doesnt matter..is the last day of the year...relax...

wednesday 28/12/11

its 7.30am..sharp...
bus coming out...guess who..is either mkbm or tomato as wahab left at 6.45am
yes...its mkbm....
well, for the forth day in a row i saw mkbm...
at times the more frequent the worst it turns...
mkbm busy chatting with a man passanger sitting right in front..
the white bastard idiot woman is looking upon...
i try avoid seeing things i dun like seeing...face turn aside to avaoid as much as possible...
work?? how??? dun ask...is like a piece of shit...
dun know how to do and what to do...
ergh...so tense...

mkbm send me to work for 2 consecutive days...
despite that yetr not happy which is should if i am at semantan...
coz at semantan is brainless work...
but back to mbc work is so heavy and confusing which makes me so tnse up...

Monday 26/12/11

bought mkmbm mcd ...
bang nak apa:
ayam ke ikan
ayam...
malu...
thank you...
sama....smile....

Sunday 25/12/11

Is christmas...merry christmas...
Myself yet unstable and feel desperate...which carry from yesterday.
sunday...ergh...miserable...
no bus till 7.45am...yeah...nobody working...public holiday...
first bus to town is 7.45am...guess who...is mkbm...
oh gosh...mkbm is on full shift yesterday and today the first one to town...i salute mkbm much...take care of self
i thought i will board wahab but turn out to be tomato...
no choice but to board bus to town...
run errands at office and shop for cny goodies and hurry back
plan to be back with mkbm and indeed i am back with mkbm
bus came...i board and pay cash instead...
mkbm quote : nak bayar...
my quote : card ...tertinggal kat rumah...then proceed behind
along the way home i am loss due to work and at times i look at mkbm with a blank feeling...
almost home...walk to front and quote : thank you bang and alight..
not much chatting...something disturbing me!!!!!!
Is 6-7pm at night and ia saw mkbm again still working...
mkbm you really earn a salute from me...
for two consecutive days you are working full shift...
not easy...tiring...body need rest...
please take goood care of self...i knew you are working hard and you deserve a high pay compare to the rest of the gang
i know...take care...meeting each other is a blessing...
who knows if tomorrow i am no longer in this world!!!

Saturday 24/12/11

Is chrristmas eve...suppose to be enhoyable and happy...
but myself looks miserable...
work is disturbing me.....how to deliver result on when i dun undertstand...
ask but bastards and idiots are not willing to teach...
i feel so sick and useless...
saw mkbm which suppose to cheer me up but things look different...
suddenly mkbm is nobody to me...
i saw mkbm but have no plan to town ...
worst is mkbm on full shift...coz is 5.50pm i saw mkbm back from town with the indian/malay lady sitting right in front....
nah...who cares....mind so disturn with something else...
i sense are right..i have the feeling mkbm is working full shift and i am right....
merry christmas .....may god bless me...smooth career is all i want!

A work...but miserable...
lots of things on plate but dun know even one...
what to do and how to do...
give up...resigned...
shredded hope...petronas kiosk dealership thingy was a scam..
i have the feeling is not proper too from the documentation...but dare not say it out...
coz i might not know who is good and bad behind the scene..
br kenneth told me it was a scam...hope shredded..
thought can resigned from bank and out to tr something new..
ergh...what kind of luck...
today os winter solice and enjoy dinner and j day @ jusco...
back time @ 9.45pm saw mkbm too town..empty bus...
work...dun mentioned...i so blur and dun seems to understand...
may i rsigned....

A work...but miserable...
lots of things on plate but dun know even one...
what to do and how to do...
give up...resigned...

sunday 18/12/11

its sunday...the day i hate most..
as usual i am unstable on sunday...
board hazlee to town...
at 6pm...saw hazlee again...
oh gosh...full shift...
if only i know hazlee on full shift i would have giben hazlee the tube of oreo biscuit..pity...
since hazlee on full shift then is mkbm on leave???
maybe coz yesterday mkbm on full shit...pity...
no...mkbm is working...new bus T0174...reliefing the T0048...
oh...mkbm on afternoon shift this week...
well well well..myslef no choice but patiently wait for weekend to come...
disturb mind...is work....why????
should i resign ????

Saturday 17/12/11

sleepness night...guess what...i am awake as early as 1.30am...
crazy me...i sleep at 12am and awake at 1.30am...
this is not sleep...is short nap...i just cant myself sleep...
this new work and future uncertainty seems to be bothering me...
resigned????ha..what to do...still young...useless me...
as usual bus tracking is part of daily chores...
is tomato follow my wahab at 8.15am
actually i plan to town boarding the 8.15am bus too but since dad is boarding better not...wait for next bus instead..
waited and waited finally bus came...
from far looks like is mkbm coz is someone on tshirt...
yes..is true...is mkbm
myself board bus and greet mkbm "pagi bang"
then towards maluri stn i proceed to the froont and mkbm signal me..
i signal back ...myself gentlemen..
as appearance is poor today didnt calculate timing...
wish to be back with wahab but back with tomato instead..is ok as long as is not mkbm...
i have the feeling mkbm is working full shift today and feeling is true as 6pm i saw mkbm back...and as norm front sit is the malay/indian lady???
at times i am curious who is this malay/indian lady???
what sort of connection with mkbm....
myself not passing the day happily...
i found that family sibkibg are making fun of me...makeuse of me..
come on...i am not your step children or sister...
NOT FAIR
Watch out for the 2 woman...they both make use of me ONLY especially the.......be vigilant!!!
assignment keeps me busy as i dun know how to do...

Thursday 15/12/11

is a lucky day....emm...is it really lucky...
i have been boarding mkbm bus for times but today i something different
as usual after touching my tng for bus fare i stand aside coz is a short distance hence no need to get sitted at the back..
i stand at the side and mkbm wave me while saying something..
as i cant hear properly i walk towards mkbm and ask "apa tu bang"
mkbm quote : nak roti canai
HA!!!mkbm offer me breakfast...roti canai..
i not greedy...turn down offer...
my quote : nak periksa hari...sebab tu semalam balik awal...nak baca
mkbm quote : periksa lagi
my quote : ada 2 paper...hari ni satu paper...besok satu paper lagi.
long chat too...on the way till alight at maluri stn...

Wednesday 14/12/11

on mc...sick...no...i need to go pantai for blood test
at least to complete some medical checkup before i resign..
medical checkup is expensive...lood test...actually what is wrong with me..
am i suffering from mild heart attack or what...
always burning red an hot checks, diffuclt breathing and bad breathe...
since around monitor bus shift ...saw wahab follow by mkbm
as usual 8.15am is mkbm...and without fail the indian/maly lady is sitting right in front...and to my surprise mkbm pick up chic too...
wow chic so sexy...skirt so short and breast so full..
where go vegetarian fish in this world...
but non of my concern...no pain cuase soemthing else which is more painful that is bothering me...
then myself rush to town planning to go for dental checkup...
thought i will be to town with wahab coz only saw this 2 friends working today...but to my surprise is lokman..
ha..i am luky..manage to get bus and is lokman
lokman is good and he waited for me as i am not fully ready when bus arrived...
to thank lokman i went to sogo purposely to get a roll of oreo and a bottle of mineral water for lokman hoping i can be back with lokamn
upon complete errandto tm stop...
i guess my timing shd be coreect that i can be back with lokman..
but o my surprise is mkbm...
mkbm quote : balik cepat....
my quote : ah balik cepat ni...
all the way back mkbm never look back mirror as mkbm is busy chatting n elderly malay lady sitted in front...
well well well...at least i am back but i am not happy despite is mkbm sending me back...why???errghhh???dun know...
alight and mkbm signal and as courtesy i signal back..
night...9.10pm...is my very TRUE sentence...
i am useless...i wanted to end my life earlier...
but do i have to guts to end life...
commit suicide by cutting nerves...no..i am not brave enough..
jump from high rise building...figget...no dt dare....
maybe drinking poison...!!!! can consider...
i am really hopeless and useless....
assume i am dead i wonder if mkbm,lokman,hazlee,wahab,haja..miss me.
i knew the answer is NO...who cares...
ergh....that's life...

monday 12/12/11

monday...i hate to go to work...
but no choice...rather than idiot at home...
but good start as sending me to work in mkbm
mkbm smile upon seeing me...
i smile too...
my quote : pagi bang
mkbm quote : lambat dah
my quoate: ah...dah lambat dah
alight without acknowledge as lots of passenger about to board bus..
good...console is mkbm...
but shit like hell at office...
but have to be patient till month end...
next year got leaves...can resign....
but should i resign...can i survive...

sunday 11/12/11

yes...mkbm is working today...
ok then myself to put on cimb outfit and to work..
lots of drama woman task to complete...
is volunteer work...worth it???
Nah....iis still remember clearly how drama woman treat me in while i was under her in semantan
quickly wrap up work and to sogo to get some goodies and to tm stop..
just a short wait 15-20mins came mkbm...
i board bus and after all passenger alight at maybank i proceed to the front and ask mkbm
my quote : bang...coffee minum...
mkbm quote : minum...
my quote : ok..i tear open my crumpler and give mkbm the small unique bottle of tchibo coffee...
my quote : cuba ni...sedap...
since got passenger who board bus without paying but gave horse calender in return...is this fair???
horse calender...!!!!compare to mine the big corporate horse calender is nothing..
at times i wonder if mkbm appreciate things i gave mkbm...
is all premium gifts...nothing is lousy...is alll above standard goods...mkbm is real luky to have a friend like me!!! honest is true
i alight at the back and signal thanks to mkbm..since front got someone there chating chatting and chatting..
ok...have mkbm around to cheer weekend...
be prepared for uncertainities tomorow...
i am "sick"...i feel so useless and lonely...
i would like to commit suicide...
being frank..ii have no future, no prospect, useless, lack of confidence and pessimitic...
the only thing that i look forward and prolong my living is those bunc of u45 friends..am i stupid/silly???
u may say so but is true u45 gang is someone i look forward and i helps me to go on daily...
if ONLY GOD cn shorten my life span to 40 years old..my wish...

Saturday 10/12/11

i have sleepness ...i was awake at 1.20am..
work load being bothering me...
credit...ehmm...big responsiblity to me...
i am a useless person...i dun know credit...
why myself to relief the sick staff...
ai....sleepness night...
told self to calm...be brave..have confident...mkbm,lokman,hazlee,wahab and haja
would like to see me successful too...
hours pass and is morning...
first bus lokman then silent for almost 1hr and 15 mins..
while no bus or they skip midah...
frankly in mind i think is tomato or baldy who is working on morning shift today hence no bus coming out ...not even the 8.15am punctual one...
finally bus came..when across and to my surprise is mkbm
i smile and mkbm smile too...
MKBM quote : main bola...
i didnt reply and went straight to the back and get sitted...
alight @ jusco ...i think mkbm didnt notice as there are lots of passenger coming up...
quickly run errand and ensure i can be back with mkbm coz i have a cimb calender & diary for mkbm
came lokman...lokman smile and no choice myself to board bus...
the alight at maybank...
i knew my act is stupid ...i could have be back with lokman and save cost and lokman is good...
but still i look forward for trip back with mkbm instead
finally mkbm came after an hour wait...
i smile and mkbm smile again...
my quote : bang ni bagi...calender...
mkbm quote : terima kasih
yes..is a worth while trip oz passenger all alight at hukm and the stop after...
hence mkbm send me back using shortcut instaed...
myself went to the front and have a short chat
my quote : midah dah tak ada orang...
mkbm quote : ada lagi satu....
mkbm quote : main bola...i ingat you pergi main bola
my quote : tak...kerja...
mkbm quote : besok kerja...
my quote : kerja..pagi...minggu ni pagi...minggu depan pun pagi
my qoute : dia ni ikut market...
kalau jaga market us...masu malam
hk, singpaore, malaysia masuk pagi
mkbm quote : saham sekarang macam mana..
my quote : jatuh...jatuh teruk...
mkbm quote : pasal us..kan
my quote : betull..semua ikut us...kalau us jatuh..lain ikut je...jatuh...
my quote : calender tu baru dapat...
mkbm quote : senang nak dapat...
my quote : eeh...tak...ssatu staf satu je....
mkbm quote : habis u tak nak bagi saya
my quote : kawan...kalau lain tak layan dah...
mkbm quote : silence and smile...
my quote : yang hari tu...mainan golf pun limited...
mkbm quote : ah...ye ke..
bus reached home...stop and my alight...
i signal mkbm again to ack THANKS and in return mkbm signal me too.
yes..is a best trip and worth the wait and alight from lokman's trip
but i am sorry for lokman...to reward lokman if lokman driving u45 route.
THANK GOD...i never thought i can see mkbm today...at least some consolation to me worries...

The world full of idiot

Tuesday 06/12/11

idiot blame me...
i am not wrong...
idiot left out a column and blame me didnt incorporate it despite myself highlighting it in the first place...
why the world is full of idiot and bastards...
or is this faith that where ever i go came across all this idiot and bastard obstacles...

sunday 04/12/11

its 9.45pm...saw bus back..
stnad up and peep and saw mkbm on jacket....
so mkmb on night shift today...
pity...is cold out there..
takek ...u will be misss...
will reward mkbm when board bus if got the chance to meet next week.
back with hazlee
long time no see...
yeah long time...but i prefer mkbm...

saturday 03/12/11

today is 03rd Dec...is my borthday...Happy Birthday Caribee
wake up as per normal @ 6.10am to get ready...
well today most probabaly mkbm wont be working...
have been monitoring and found pattern that mkbm dun work on sat nowadays...
peep out and saw tomato is the first bus to town...
next is MKBM...ha!!!! i was caught by surprise...MKBM working...
THANK GOD....u have given me the best birtday present...MKBM is working today...
since mkbm is working place change...i need to go to PC fair today and must be back with MKBM...
i have get ready a stainless steel tumbler and wrap up nicely to be given to MKBM...at times i think MKBM is really really fortunate..to have a friend like me...where else can you have such a friend..i doubt it hard...
went pc fair and is a rush coz i must go home with MKBM...
reach tm stop and without settle down MKBM came...
i board bus and gave MKBM the present but MKBM hesitate to take...
MKBM quote : selalu bagi saya awak sendiri tak ada...
My quote : main bola menang
towards home walk to front to chat with mkbm...
My quote : hadiah baru dapat hari ini
MKBM quote : memang
My quote : memang
MKBM quote : lawan siapa
My quote : lawan dept
MKBM quote : mana bola tu "with hand signal"
MKBM quote : yang main kat situ...
My quote : ah...bola yang main kat situ...
My quote : basketball
MKBM quote : bola jaring...
My quote : bola keranjang
MKBM quote : ah bola keranjang...
reached destination : myslef alight wishing terima kasih...
smile...thank god have given me a "good" present for my birthday..
must THANK GOD most coz i almost miss bus...is just seconds...opportunity...
THANK GOD...Thanks MKBM

Friday 02/12/11

i still remain this date in last year..
i remember i enjoy self today to replace tomorrow whereby is my birthday
still remember clearly today last year 2010 mkbm send me to town..
we have been friend in that year...yr 2010...
well a year pass...fast...slow...no comment...but i know well that the day pass thru like shits...
the one i look forward to pass thru days are my gang of u45 friends
well u can say that i am silly but honest...they are the one that help me pass thru days...
today i have bought breakfast (2 delicia waffer + 1 milo can) for mkbm hoping that mkbm is the one who send me to work..
but timing just not right...sending me to work is wahab...is ok...never mind...wahab is ok too...
hence breakfast channel to mum instead...
its 9.15pm now...rain...long life rain...
i pity those who are working night shift...
mum told me she saw lokman today...
well, just a sudden pass by coz too fast turning i think i saw lokman too..coz by character it looks like lokman..
this makes me remember one sunday it rain throughout the day and is a weekend...sunday...
i saw lokman runnning full shift till 12am midnight...
i pity lokman...lokman deserve applause...
not easy work coz is cold out there & tiring as well...
missing someone much....why???? i ask myself...!!!!